Clarence Thomas Hikes Price of Supreme Court Decisions to Keep Pace with Inflation WASHINGTON ( The Borowitz Report )—Citing “unfortunate economic realities,” Clarence Thomas is hiking the price of Supreme Court decisions to keep up with inflation. The jurist disclosed his new rate card in a mass e-mail sent to more than a hundred super-donors. “I have tried to keep my prices reasonable, but, as inflation proves more stubborn than predicted, I have no choice but to adjust my rates accordingly,” he wrote. “Sadly, the days of shredding civil rights in exchange for ten private-jet flights are over,” he added. It remains to be seen whether the billionaires who received Thomas’s e-mail will tolerate his steeper prices or whether they will explore a budget option such as Neil Gorsuch. +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ DA*MN! I missed that turn! i shoulda made a left back there instead of going straight. https://twitter.com/i/status/1687210529344081923 -------
