EH S3 E7: Special L'Shana Tova Edition
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when you invent the language, you know how to really use it well.
god love the brits!
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we know, we know. we get a lot of letters in the mail.....you ask where the fuck are you, EH? it's been since 9/16 and no ELDER HOSTILE post? wtf? you call yourself a good business model? meh! well, you are correct to feel that way, as now we know more about you than you know about yourself and trained you to become attached.
as for the absence, we have a slew of valid excuses up the wazoo....a little surgery to a lower back slowed us down a bit, tho' we kinda liked the feelings we had during anastasia. things were more peaceful whist under it compared to facing without. we remember saying while making the transition from unconsciousness to consciousness, & coming out from under its spell: "guys, i hope you didn't switch out my brain and make me a MAGA republican!" [this was not in any way preplanned, we swear]. secondly, through a very generous donation a non-profit friend gifted all employees a week's vacation at one of their lovely resort-type Cape Cod style single family homes located in a private undisclosed mid-cape location. we, the saviors of truth, also need vacations (and, hobbies for that matter). And lastly, every night our kids' dogs eat our homework and we have to start over every morning.
so, in an effort to "catch you up" to the truth according to
ELDER HOSTILE, here are a few of the highlight tidbit to tide you over until we can fully recover
carryoncarryoncarryoncarryoncarryon
Children run alongside and taunt you, because you’re old, but you don’t care, because your hearing is shot!
Your hair falls out, but you can’t tell, because your eyesight is shot. You brush your bald head with a stiff bristle brush, but you can’t feel it, because the nerves in your scalp are all shot!
A rattlesnake bites you on the leg, but the poison doesn’t go to your heart, because your veins are all shot!
You have a dream that your eyesight is perfect and your hearing is perfect, but when you wake up you can’t remember it, because your memory is shot!
You get out your old mug shot and laugh at how much younger you look than in your recent mug shot!
Your bones turn brittle, and you develop a craving for peanut brittle. But you can’t eat it, because your teeth are all shot!
You take your dog Schatzi in to get her shots, but she howls the whole way, because it’s a rough road and your shock absorbers are shot!
At a wedding reception, you get up and dance with the young people, because your sense of dignity is shot!
You got your knees replaced ten years ago, but now the replacements are shot!
You go to a track meet, but you get confused and wander into the shot-put event, where you’re hit in the back by the flying shot. At the hospital, the doctor tells you your back is broken, but you ask how the shot is, because your brain is shot!
You try to buy a shotgun, to threaten your friend Tom, but you can’t, because it turns out you’re a felon, whatever that is. The clerk also says your credit is shot!
You wet your pants, because, oh, why not?
You suddenly start slurring your words, and you think you’re having a stroke. But then you’re relieved when you realize that it was just the six shots of vodka you had!
Your balance is shot, and you fall over a lot. People say to give Tai Chi a shot, but you don’t, because your desire to try anything new is shot!
You decide to give it one last shot, but what was it again? ♦
the Lincoln Project does it best
do you want to know how the story ends?
we do!
haven't we been spot on so far?
stay with ELDER HOSTILE to find out
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morris mishegoss, your faithful editor at ELDER HOSTILE
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