EH: S4 E14: Grab ‘em by the midterms & happy passover! an april fools double issue
Dueling protests unfolded near Mar-a-Lago.
Thousands of protesters gathered on a grassy public space by a Target about a 15-minute drive from Trump’s Mar-a-Lago estate in Palm Beach County, Florida, participants said. One demonstrator carried a sign that said “Grab ‘em by the midterms,” playing on the vulgar, caught-on-tape comment Trump made about women in 2005.
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Ever since America’s stupidest president launched America’s stupidest war, I’ve become wistful for a time when the idiots in our government caused no lasting damage.
In that spirit of nostalgia, here is the complete wisdom of former Vice President Dan Quayle—guaranteed to lift your mood and lower your blood pressure.
Dan Quayle on Education
“Quite frankly, teachers are the only profession that teach our children.”
“We’re going to have the best-educated American people in the world.”
“You take the United Negro College Fund model—that what a waste it is to lose one’s mind, or not to have a mind is being very wasteful. How true that is.”
Dan Quayle on Geography
“We have a firm commitment to Europe. We are a part of Europe.”
“I love California. I practically grew up in Phoenix.”
“It’s wonderful to be here in the great state of Chicago.”...
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and this from the Beaverton of Canadia:
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WorldTrump to allies: “Which of you fucking losers wants to secure the Strait of Hormuz?”OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO |
Chick-Fil-A Announces Two Halves Of Buns Must Be Married Before Becoming Sandwich
Published:
ATLANTA—Hoping to provide clarity to consumers about their company’s food production standards, Chick-fil-A officials announced Monday that the two halves of each bun served in their restaurants must be married before becoming a sandwich. “In accordance with Chick-fil-A’s values, the bread used in all our sandwiches—from the jalapeño ranch club to our original classic chicken—are required to be formally joined together in the eyes of God,” said Chick-fil-A CEO Andrew Cathy, telling reporters that fans of their signature entrées could rest easy without having to worry that the freshly made buns on either side of their sandwich were living together in sin. “Our buns are wedded during a one-hour religious ceremony performed each morning by a franchise chaplain and followed by a short reception attended by staff. The result is a beautiful, joyous union of two buns sanctified by the Almighty. And when they are combined with the chicken—which is the child of the two buns—we have a morally upright, God-fearing family of food for customers to enjoy.” Cathy added that starting immediately, Chick-fil-A would begin serving its nuggets in pairs in an effort to “stop whatever freaky stuff they’re all getting up to in that cardboard box.”
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